Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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