You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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