and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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