With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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