make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
