I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
