Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
