remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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