Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
