My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
