I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
