JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
