420 ftw
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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