Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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