How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
