really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
me + whiskey = a bad person
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
