I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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