Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He felt like a one man threesome
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
