he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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