Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Randomize
