There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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