i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
