Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
