Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
