Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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