I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
