This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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