I didn't shave. On purpose
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
