she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize