the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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