did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
