and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
