Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
