Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
