Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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