..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
