nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
