pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
