it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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