I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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