And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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