i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
