Already got asked if we're dating
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
