you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
