dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
