I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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