I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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