As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We talked him into tasing himself.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
