is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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