I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
