your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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